Testimony Time!

O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him. (Psalm 34: 8)

My husband and I had the opportunity to taste the goodness of the Lord recently. Remember our trip to the Philippines? We had to go there because we had applied for visas for travel to a particular country. The process could not be done in Japan. We didn't even know this until after we had made the applications. So the whole trip was an unexpected one.

So here we were in the Philippines, convinced that our visas would be granted. After all, we had travelled all this way. Oh dear, remember the post about Realistic Expectations? Well, well, things do not always go the way you expect it to! We were told, "No". We would not be granted the visas. Are you kidding me?! And we travelled all this way?????

In times of trouble, the Christian man or woman knows no other place to run but to the Lord. At least that is where we should. And might I add, this privilege is available to anyone who will. My husband and I therefore needed some sort of comfort in this situation. We decided to try again.

I got an idea about how to make our case more believable this time around, and so we added some new information. The remarkable thing about the whole situation was that before this new application could be done in any case, a couple of things would need to be in place:

1. We needed to be in the Philippines - When we first learned that we would have to go there, hubby's first suggestion was to go for the weekend, deal with the business on the Monday and return to Japan on the Tuesday. We would have been in Japan when we received the news which would mean we couldn't apply again. But we ended up on a ten day trip instead. Here's the breakdown:

• Arrived in Manila Saturday August 16. 
• Went to the Embassy on Tuesday August 19.
• Got the terrible news on Wednesday August 20.
• Thursday and Friday remaining. Saturday and Sunday would clearly be out, and we had a 6 am flight on Monday. 

2. I would need to be able to get a letter from my employer immediately - With Thursday and Friday remaining, I needed to get the letter on Thursday so we could go back to the Embassy on Friday. I sent an email to my employer on Thursday morning. On that day, every single person who needed to be there were in the office; usually my boss would have been out. On Thursday evening, the letter was emailed to me.

3. I would need my PC with me - In the post Anxiety: Out!, I told you that I've been feeling sick going out to work and what not. When we learned that we were going to the Philippines, although it wasn't planned for, I was happy. This was the break I really wanted. Therefore, I didn't want to bring my PC because I wanted to use the time to relax. I had purposed it in my mind to not bring it but I ended up bringing it any way. Now the PC had all the documents that we needed to apply again! 

4. The credit card would need to work - My credit card has a cut off point. Once I get my bill, I can't use the card until the bill has been paid. The card worked, which meant that the bill had not yet been sent! 

Mi seh! Can I tell you! Now put on top of all of this, the wifi in the place where we were was HORRIBLE. We spent hourzzzzz (literally) trying to upload the documents. It was during this time, we couldn't help but wonder if maybe we shouldn't bother. Then in my mind I was thinking what if we do everything and the credit card doesn't work? And hey, the application isn't free! 

Well, I was able to email a few of the documents to myself and then we used the lobby in the hotel to upload the rest of the documents. Now even sending that email was not easy because the wifi was just awful! Anyways, everything was uploaded, credit card worked and now we have to get up in the morning to go back to the embassy.

You know nervous? Jeezam peace, I was so nervous. I even started to question everything and doubt everything. Why on earth did we apply again? But I remembered the scripture verse above and I thought about how everything seemed to be in place for the whole experience. The PC, the time and everything.

Fast forward to a couple days after being back in Japan, we were asked to submit our passports!!!! Fast forward some more (last week Wednesday), passports returned with the visas!!!! God turned our sorrow into joy!! Hallelujah!! 

You know, my husband's dad said that sometimes God does something for us and we don't remember to go back and say thanks. Lord, I thank You. Thank You for such a wonderful Christmas gift. :) 

I hope my testimony has brought a smile to your heart. God bless you.

メリークリスマス！！　Merry Christmas! !

Anxiety: Out!

The truth shall set you free. My truth is I've got a problem with anxiety and I need a way out.

A few weeks ago, it dawned on me that I have been feeling sick for every single morning that I have to go out to work. I am fine on other days. I've been just going with it but one morning in particular, it just struck me, "Hey, what is going on here?" My mind has since gone on a spree to figure out the answer to the question.

I began wondering about my job. Is it time for a change? For a long time, I've been saying that I need a break. And well, one came when hubby and I had to go to the Philippines a few weeks ago. I felt better after we came back but I still felt like something was missing.

I was teaching a class one day and it came to me that I have some how lost the desire and love that I had in the beginning. I smiled to myself and realized how true it was. But the more I thought about the anxiety, the more I realized that I am anxious about pretty much anything. Sad! I realized that I am not confident about pretty much anything. Sad!

A swarm of thoughts about the possible reasons behind my anxious feelings have surely swept over me. I have nailed it down to these: my confidence, stresses of my job and my future in Japan. You know, it helps to be honest with yourself and to just let things out. It's like one morning this week as I was getting dressed for work, I remembered something that happened to me. I was at an elementary school and a student came to get me for class. It was my first time to go to that class. The child began blurting out, "Kowai. Kowai". That means scary. I realized how things like that have formed possible walls in my heart and I don't realize it. I wasn't angry at the child. I was angry at the adults. It took place in the presence of the teachers and not one of them said anything!! Now this happened maybe two or three years ago, but all of a sudden I remembered it. I've also realized that my schedule sometimes causes me distress. One ALT having to go to three schools. One ALT to service hundreds of students. I think the teachers making the schedule don't even get it. Then they want you to smile away every single moment of the day. Anyhoo….

I have been trying to look at the good points of my job, though. Hubby reminded me one night this week how I wasn't even going to apply for this current position. The deadline had passed. The Board of Education had however, extended the deadline. God gave me this job. You know, I have a job that pays me good money. It is 'good' money in the sense that, I can pay my bills, do things for my self, help my family and save. Oh, I can also travel! Lest I forget our recent trip to the Philippines! And although it does get tiring, sometimes all that is required is to stand in the class and smile. And then there are times when 'real' work is required like on elementary school days when everything is left up to you.

So! At the moment, I am trying to be careful about what decisions I make because of how I'm feeling. When you're in the middle of a 'crisis', you might do something that you regret. What's worse is moving away from the purpose that God has for you. Remembering His promises to you is gonna be crucial.

Living this way is definitely not God's will for me. Getting rid of whatever fears and worries that are hiding in my innermost thoughts and subconscious mind is kinda what I'm working on.

Anxiety: Out!


Some pics from Manila below :)

                              Mode of transportation called a Jeepney. Thought they were pretty cool!

                                                                   hahahaha

At the Greenbelt Mall in Makati City. One day!

                                                      In the lobby about to say goodbye to Manila

Great is the Measure

While enjoying the warm and loving embrace of my husband, I had this thought, "Great is the measure of my Father's love". If a man could be loving me in such a wonderful way, then how much more does my Father in heaven love me? Amazing!

See you guys, again. :)

Developing Realistic Expectations

What do your expectations looks like? I think I need to develop realistic expectations. I need to know how to strike the balance between hope and reality. I need hope to expect God's 'perfect' for me; while facing reality, and understanding and not becoming overly depressed if things don't work out how I thought they should. You know, leaning not to my own understanding (Proverbs 3: 5-6). I don't want to be negative but I want to be realistic. So if things don't work out as I thought or planned, I won't end up crashing to the floor in disappointment and despair.

Hubby and I had an unexpected trip outside of Japan the other day; and having realistic expectations is what I spoke to the Lord about while I got ready one morning before our trip. I had gotten angry, miserable and negative the night before when things didn't work out how I had been planning and laid out 'perfectly'. Sadly, that always happens to me. I therefore wanted my reflection after-the-fact to not be only a reflection after I've reacted badly, but it should be what I am thinking about at the onset of trouble. Like the Bible instructs us to resist the devil (James 4: 7), and this is done best at his onset.

I was very happy that I had had that talk with the Lord then because while on our trip, a very unexpected thing happened to us that could have derailed us (our spirits) significantly. I had to keep reminding myself (my hubby usually handles things much better than I do) about the note I had made in my diary. Each time I felt myself wanting to get upset, I could fight it off with that reminder.  I also believe that God put the following thought in my heart while we were struggling to deal with the situation at hand:

"Not because there is a fight, doesn't mean it won't work." 

I was definitely encouraged by that. The fighting part can surely put a damper on your hopes and what you're trying to do but the reality is that, that's how life goes! 

またね！(See you later!)

Loving is Easy When It Doesn't Cost a Thing

In my previous post I said how I want to be able to show love to others. I used the example of me watering some flowers at one of my schools and how they blossomed. I also want to water someone's life. 

Heh. People say that you're likely to be tested on something you've preached about. I surely was. And I failed miserably. :(

I was feeling quite downcast last week and it really peaked on Friday. I felt so angry and miserable. I was so down I didn't even write anything in my journal. But my reaction to how I was feeling was giving me another piece of something to share with you. 

When I am feeling down, I usually like to remind myself that I am not the only one going through something. But on Friday I was so caught up with how I was feeling that I didn't bother to show concern to someone who probably could have used some cheering up too. I was so absorbed in my own pain that I didn't bother to try to reach out to the individual. I only realized afterwards how I had the opportunity to give love but I didn't. Honestly, I didn't want to. 

When you're hurting it's easy to be thinking so much of yourself that you can't even see that there's someone right in your midst hurting as well. You might sense it, but can't seem to reach out or really don't care to. After all, you are hurting too. 

But you know, that's really how true love is shown - when you can do it no matter how hard it is for you. It's always easy when it doesn't cost you anything. 

Water Those Flowers

Since I figure that I'm on the road that I need to be on, and that I'm ok and on my way, and that I just need to keep moving, I really just want God to help me:

1. To take each day ONE DAY AT A TIME. 

2. To show love. 

I want to wake up, pray and know that although I might not feel well, the day will soon be over and God has given me new grace and mercies for the day. When I pray, I want to believe that power has been released and to be able to feel it. I want to understand that there is REAL power in the words of prayer. So when I say, "God please help me", I want it to be clear in my mind that God heard me and will help me. 

I want to be God's light everyday that I am out in those schools. I want to show love in the way that He has placed in my heart to that particular person who really needs it. I know they are there. I realize there are days I am tired and feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities I have but I still want to know that I made a difference to someone's life by my presence. It must be made clear to me that I had a positive impact on someone. I pray that God would make me see that I am making a difference and the way I made the difference. 

I've been watering some flowers at one of my schools since I started going there in April. I started watering them when one morning as I changed into my indoor shoes, I happened to see that they were drying up. I gave them some water and their appearance changed the next time I went to the school! The leaves were perky! I felt as though God told me that they were to become my responsibility. That is, I should water them whenever I went there. God often speaks to my heart through things like that. So although I couldn't see how watering flowers could be of any value to me, I obeyed. I have ensured that I water them while I'm there. In a way though, I'd often think that in the same way I'm watering them, I can also water someone's life. 

Yesterday the secretary called my attention to them. She was showing me how one of them was blooming. Later in the day she was also telling the man who does repairs/clean up at the school how the flowers I've been watering are blooming. He went and looked at them and told me, "Good job". 

They are just flowers. But because I'd been giving them water, they were now blooming. They went from drying up to blooming. And I had a hand in it.

My desire is to do the same in the life of someone.

How about you?

Knowing God's Pace for Your Life

Ever feel like you have no clue about what you want to do with your life or where your life is going? I sure do. Not all the time but most of the time. 

I decided to write down some things that I believe will come to pass in my life. They have been in my heart since forever. I wrote them down as reminders because I tend to forget that I have these dreams. I often say I don't know what my dreams are but they are there. Even though I often feel like they are far fetched, I have no idea how such things will come to pass or whether or not I just made them up in my mind, i.e. they are plain rubbish, I can still believe. I can still trust God's plans. I can still trust that God will lead me into my field like He led Ruth into hers (Ruth 2:3). 

I especially must be mindful not to envy others who seem to have arrived and have their lives all figured out. I must understand that God knows my level of maturity and perhaps I wouldn't keep up if I were given everything right away. 

I feel peaceful with the thought that I can trust God's pace for my life. Knowing His pace for my life will help me not to feel like I'm lagging behind or even think that I'm not going somewhere. Yay! What a marvelous revelation! I am ok and on my way!

So my prayer is that God would help me to sit and relax and not be like Martha - perplexed and anxious about many things (Luke 10:41). 

Before you go, please watch this video. It's really cool and funny! 

Did you laugh, too? No matter how many times I watch it, I always do! Why not try it at school or your workplace?

また、私のブログを見てくださいね。ありがとう！(Please visit my blog again. Thanks!)

Enjoying the Seasons in Your Life

Before I write about the meat of today's post, I want to rant a little.

My morning's devotional was about enjoying your spouse. I thought to myself that such thoughts do not always form a part of my regular thinking because of thoughts of work. The demands from work are too demanding! Get up in the morning, work on my mind. Go to work and get to work with work on my mind. At work doing the work with work on my mind. Reach home, have dinner, spend whatever time with hubby, go to bed with work on my mind. No sah! That's crazy and not funny. 

Why should life be this way? These are things I don't like. There's a typhoon. What do people do? Go out to work anyways. Dem sinting deh just nuh normal. Why not first of all for the sake of safety stay home? One day away from work to rest, take care of your body, enjoy your family and eat your food without a hurry is going to kill you? Not to mention there might be limitations on what you could do for the day at work in any case? Why this belief that "I must work cost it what it may"? Sigh, sigh and sigh. 

How about you, guys? If you could count the times you thought about what you could do to bless your spouse and enjoy their presence, do those moments surpass the many other things you have on your mind? These are the important things in life, the things of value but sadly they're more often than not at the bottom of our to-do lists. 

So, now that that's off my chest (LOL) let's talk about enjoying the seasons in your life. 

Hubby and I have been blessed with a really inexpensive place to live. I mean really and truly. When I share with others how much we pay they are usually surprised. I paid our rent to our landlady yesterday. As I walked away from her house, I thought about how we're really going to miss it if/when we should have to move. We've been able to save a lot, you know. I started teaching a student last year about this time, too. But now he'll be moving on. There were evenings I'd be coming home tired and would rather not have a class. But it's good that I made the most of it because now it's over. 

The house is comfortable except for the little things like feeling extra cold in the winter and the occasional creepy-crawlies that appear in the summer. (My Facebook family, y'all remember me bawling about an 'hebalasting' [everlasting] spider that was in the house and how I was hoping it wouldn't move until  hubby got home? LOL!!). 

God help me to give thanks for the time we have in it and enjoy the blessings that come from living there. 

Bless unnu!

On a Positive Note

Give thanks and praise to Jehovah. He's good, all the time. All the time, He's good.

Yesterday was the Prefectural Level English Speech Contest. Two of the three students who performed from my school were placed in the top 5. Reiko (name changed) was one of them. For the past two years she tried without success at the local level. In fact, she had her first try at such a competition when she was a grade 6 elementary school student. Finally, now in her third year of junior high school she got the 1st prize at the local level and now 2nd place at the Prefectural Level. I feel blessed to be a part of this moment.

Last night before I fell asleep, I thought about how I've always thought negatively about myself, and so the time has come for me to develop and cultivate good thoughts about myself. My new favorites:

• I am loved by others
• I love myself
• I am a woman of good understanding, a beautiful countenance.

The next thing is I feel so free. "Perfect love casteth out all fear" has really opened my eyes. I don't feel so afraid of moving forward with things or when thinking about what to do in the future. I am not so afraid of making mistakes or living up to expectations. I am not so afraid of not knowing what to do.

This morning at school, I was reading a few verses from Nehemiah 9. Some favorite verses and why I like them:

....... and thou preservest them all (v. 6)  

• This tells me that God preserves me

....... thou knewest that they dealt proudly against them (v. 10)        

• God knows when people ill treat me.

....... thou art a God slow to anger, ready to pardon, gracious and merciful (v. 17)

• This pretty much explains itself!

This next verse really grabbed my attention and spoke to me on a deep level:

...... thou subduest them and gave them in their hands, that they might do with them as they would (v. 24)

• This is telling me that victory is mine for the taking. I am free to make use of whatever opportunities are before me. In other words, the ball is in my court!

When You Pray & God Doesn't Answer

Hey, guys. How unnu do? Hope everyone is good.

Last Friday, I wrote this in my diary, "How to look past what is a minor or not-so-minor thing and be joyful? - Give thanks for what is." I was feeling disappointed because well, I didn't sleep well the night before despite going to bed early. Hubby had suggested earlier in the week that I go to sleep early and get some rest. I guess he could see that I was tired. So I was in bed by 7 pm. But I just didn't sleep well. Not getting a good night's rest really throws me off. I really hate when that happens. So I wrote that to encourage myself.

Well, over the weekend, I really had to put it into practice (again). In this post, I mentioned that I have just completed University studies. There was still one course for which the grade was not posted, however. On Saturday morning I got the grade I was awaiting. Unfortunately it was not the grade I was anticipating.

I was disappointed and glad. Disappointed that what I hoped and prayed and believed for was not realized. But glad that I passed my course and therefore successfully completed my degree. The disappointment however, and even a bit of anger and frustration, fought to overtake and subdue the gladness. Instead of celebrating what was, I struggled a little with what was not. I did pass but not with the desired grade.

Out of habit (the 'old' me), my thoughts went like this: "What's the point of hoping for anything?" "This always happens to me." "Maybe I'm just not good enough." Thank God however, those thoughts did not overwhelm me. Thank God they eventually went away.

How did they stop? I forced myself to give God thanks for what was. (When you are feeling down, you generally don't feel much like giving thanks). I fought to look at the bright side of the situation. The greatest anesthesia however, was this reminder:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not to thine own understanding. (Proverbs 3: 5).

Trusting God means that there will be unanswered questions, things you don't understand and things that seem unfair. There will be times when you don't get what you prayed so earnestly about. How many times has someone lost a loved one even though they prayed so hard for God not to take them? How many times have people lost their homes although they prayed so hard for God to not let the bank take it away? The instances of those and other things happening are countless. And if you ask me, these people have every right to feel angry, let down and disappointed and to ask God why.

In these instances when we pray and God doesn't answer, however, we have to remember that we cannot depend on our own logic. We can't depend on how our human minds explain things. Our understanding of the situation, of what we can see with our eyes will never really comfort us. It just won't make sense. I mean, why should I not get the grade that I worked so hard and prayed so hard for? It makes no sense and it's just not fair!

But God is saying, "Trust Me with all your heart. It doesn't make sense or seem fair. But please trust me." Difficult? Absolutely yes! Impossible? No. If we can trust Him in those times when He doesn't give us what we hoped for, we'll be all the better for it and will be comforted.

In other news, I bought the reader. It was delivered on Saturday. Another something that helped me take my mind off the situation above (LOL). I bought the Kindle Paperwhite 3G (2012 model). It fell right within the price range I had. It's on sale! I hope to get some bilingual (Japanese/English) books to help me with my Japanese study. Here are some pics:

Unopened box

 Opened box

 The goods

 The case

 The Kindle!

Ooh...

                                                               USB charger

 Kindle package

 Kindle on!

Me!

Perfect Love

All the years that the cankerworm has stolen is being returned to me (Joel 2: 25). I believe that I made a critical discovery about me. I can see how the enemy has used the very way that God made me against me. Thank You Lord for this discovery.

One of the things I read about the melancholic is that he tends to be passive. I must fight to not just allow negative thoughts and emotions to weary me down. I have a choice; I can choose the types of things to think about. I already have the power over all the power of the enemy. I already have a sound mind. I am already more than a conquerer. 

Now let me say that I am not saying that passivity is from God. That's one of the weak points of the melancholic personality. But let's say that I'm not necessarily the aggressive type. There's nothing wrong with that. But then sometimes things happen, like someone being unkind to me. But because I'm not the type to fight back, it would seem like the enemy orchestrates many of these moments where I end up feeling defeated. In other words, my 'soft' personality has often been used against me. It would have been helpful for me to have learned to stand up for myself and not just play the role of a victim. I say learn because I wasn't born with a 'tell-it-to-your-face', 'don't-you-dare-treat-me-like-that' personality. Hope you're getting what I'm saying. LOL

Anyhoo, these days I've been meditating on this: 

There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love's complete perfection]. (1 John 4:18 AMP). 

I'm beginning to have a greater understanding of what this scripture means. I'm learning to apply it to me. It kinda fits in with what I'm discovering about me. A part of this 'soft' me is sometimes afraid to express herself. Sometimes the words won't come out, or don't come out right. It's a part of what I was trying to explain earlier. If I have been mistreated, I am afraid of telling you that you did. But even where no mistreatment took place, if I need to make a request, I don't know how to. Plain simply, I'm afraid to ask. I am now seeing that I even have this same fear if I need to talk to God about things or ask Him for things. "Fear brings with it the thought of punishment" were the words that sprang out at me the most. And this is because I wonder if God will be mad at me for saying this or doing that. 

I can see how I have been changing even prior to my rediscovery of this scripture and my gaining more understanding about it. I can see how I had been operating out of fear. I can only look forward to the best that's yet to come as I begin to operate in its principles. 

Unnu tek care!

Brag and Boast

When I used to write in my diary, I wrote whatever was on my mind without thinking twice. Now that I know that I'll be sharing these thoughts, it makes me think about what I'm writing. LOL. I wonder, do I really want to share this? What will people think of me? LOL. I am NOT the kind of person who does this type of thing. I am an extremely private person. If I have a problem, you'd probably never know. I keep it all locked up inside. Yup, that's just my personality.

Speaking of personality, I was thinking today that maybe my outlook on things has something to do with my personality. I remembered reading a book by Joyce Meyer entitled, 'Making Marriage Work', where she mentioned about personality types. I remembered something about the melancholic person. Hmmmm. I wonder. I realize that I tend to look at the glass as being half empty rather than half full. I realize that I am not necessarily the vibrant type. I realize that most of the time, it's as if I'm unhappy. But perhaps, it's not really unhappy, but just melancholy. LOL. But because I'm not jumping up and down all the time, I think that I'm being unhappy. Am I making sense to you?

In my previous post about, To Buy or Not to Buy, I was unsure of whether or not I wanted to buy the tablet/reader. I summed it up today that I realize that I really don't want to buy it because I am afraid that I'm still going to be that 'unhappy' person. In other words, I don't want to feel bad about having nice things but still feel like I'm unhappy. I don't want to get excited about it and then soon after go back to being so-so. LOL. It happens all the time. But then as I said, I'm wondering if it's really a case of being unhappy, or if it's just my personality. Now, if it really just who I am - quiet, reserved and not the overly 元気 (pronounced genki and refers to being cheerful) person -  then I really should just stop worrying and just work with it.

When I say work with it, I mean to not feel bad about myself. However, although I'll work with it, I can still work at becoming better at looking at the brighter side of things. Interestingly enough, as I wrote this diary entry today, I got up from my desk to do something, and saw, 'Always look at the brighter side of things' written on a towel on a teacher's desk! And so, in this blog post, I'm going to brag and boast a little. I am going to talk about some recent blessings.

I got a new credit card the other day. The one I had before was a Visa debit card from Ebank (now Rakuten). Oh what a blessing it was. Unfortunately, although it expires next year, the Visa function was discontinued. I had been trying to purchase something and although there was money on the card, I couldn't make the purchase. I couldn't figure out why until I happened to stumble on the explanation on Rakuten's website, saying that the Visa function had been discontinued. Thank God for Google Translate!

Now before I even knew that this was the case, one day I was out with a Japanese friend/student. She was doing some shopping in Apita. As I stood waiting for her, my eyes laid hold on a sign about the point card that the store offers. I have shopped at Apita many times before and I've always wondered about that card. So since I had some Japanese help, I asked her if she could help me sign up for one.

When we went to the customer service desk, I realized that what was being offered was a credit card that could also be used as a point card. I thought to myself, "Credit card? Ah, boy. Wonder if this will work." Other foreigners in Japan will probably understand my skepticism. It is said that it's pretty difficult to get a card here. Anyways, we proceeded with the application.

Fast forward to a couple of days later, I got a piece of mail from them. I didn't want to open the envelope because I feared bad news. (If all had been well, the card would not have been delivered in my mailbox; I would have had to sign for it). But, they were asking me to send them a copy of my alien registration card (Yes, foreigners are called aliens here. LOL). I sent them the information. Fast forward again to some days later, I got a call about the application. The lady wanted to verify the information I had provided, and I think in some way, to also check my Japanese ability because she even asked if I had filled out the form myself. I told her that a friend helped and she asked if I wrote my own name. Thankfully, I had done so! She even called my workplace and spoke with me on their phone line. I was going to get the card! Yay!

One day this week, I was giving God thanks for the new card when I thought about the cancellation of the Visa function of the other card. I recently concluded studies via the University of the West Indies' Summer and Online Masters Programme, where I pursued a Masters Degree in Educational Administration. (If Jamaican teachers here are interested in their online programmes, please see here. Tell them I recommended you :) ). Now in order to pay for my courses, I had to use a credit card. The long and short of the matter is that the cancellation was done after I finished my studying. I was therefore able to use the card when I needed it the most.

So, there you have it! かんしゃします！（Give thanks!)

To Buy or Not to Buy?

I'm thinking about buying a tablet. Well, it was a reader. Ahm, I think. LOL

My iPhone does everything really. I was just thinking to buy a tablet/reader just because. I don't spend money much. But that's great. I am a good saver. And I spend mostly on what's necessary. So no complaining.

But then there's that, "I wanna buy something" mood that I get in. But I don't want to buy it and it doesn't work out. The iPad is kinda out of the picture because I don't want to spend more than ¥10,000 (about US$100) and I don't want a monthly bill which I'd have to pay if I went SoftBank's route. SoftBank is my mobile phone provider.

Even if I got one, most things would be done at home anyways. That's because I wouldn't have internet access unless I'm home. That's unless I have apps that can be used offline.

I'm thinking about using it for:
Blogging
Reading (books, magazines, etc)
Studying Japanese

I have my eyes on the Kindle Fire.

I was thinking the other day it's best to enjoy all I can now while I'm not yet a parent cuz when pickney come in place, it's gonna be all about them! LOL!

Wah unnu think? どうしおうかな~....

The Joy of the Prize

This moment in time feels like one of those challenging moments. You know, those times in your life when things feel overwhelming. I remember last year around this time I had an especially challenging season as well. One scripture that I read during that period which helped me was Hebrews 12, particularly verses 1-13. It really hit the nail on the head. A few things I've been reading lately have also spoken about endurance. 

To be honest, sometimes I really don't want to read such things, especially in the midst of a difficult period. I don't want to hear that I have to endure anything. I don't want to have to deal with anything. I just want them to go away. Unfortunately, most things cannot be avoided, unless of course you plan to quit. 

I was thinking one morning how I really could just quit. I thought about my husband and how he sometimes has even more of a reason to quit. He is truly a warrior though. In the short time that he has been working at his workplace, many have come and gone. I too have seen the same. 

The joy of the prize however, is good motivation. Thinking about how I could choose to quit but have chosen to bear it, gives me a sense of pride and accomplishment. The power of God is made manifest in my life as I continue to fight the good fight. And then there are moments where I get to experience the joy of the prize such as when I meet students I have taught. 

It puts a smile on my face when I see students I've taught all grown up. Whether it is an elementary school kid now turned high school student or a junior high school student now turned college university student. I feel a sense of pride. And yes, I feel even prouder when they remember me and greet me. There is a boy who I taught in junior high school in the first year that I came to Japan. He's always glad when we happen to meet. We sometimes meet on the bus. I saw him the other morning. He wasn't in his school uniform. He had graduated from high school. I asked him his age. He's now 19 years old. He probably was 13 or 14 when I first taught him. 

I feel good because it's a symbol of how far I've come and how I have endured. It gives me reason to say thank You Lord for having kept me. 

I'll close with the Japanese version of the song, "Hold Me Close". Enjoy! 

Cross. Angry. Miserable.

Well, yesterday was payday! Thank God for work. This past week, I had reason to rejoice when three students at my school who participated in an English Speech Contest received individual first prizes, and the school also received the overall first prize. I wasn't able to attend the competition. When I arrived at work yesterday, the Vice Principal showed me the trophy and told me thank you. I appreciated that.


In other good news, I felt like I was about to catch a cold. But when I wanted to worry about it, I felt like God said to me, "Have a little faith." So I did what I could which was to have two raw pegs of garlic which I cut finely and had with my dinner. The next morning, the stuffy feeling in my nose was gone. Yay! God cares about every little area of our lives. My husband and I ate raw garlic with our dinner everyday during the last winter period and neither of us got sick. That was my first sick-free winter since I've lived in Japan. Garlic rocks!


         

Now on to why I was feeling cross, angry and miserable. Far too often I feel as if I'm up one day and down the next. Fear. Doubt. Anxiety. They are the primary culprits. So I said, "NO SAH. Dis nuh right." I felt annoyed at the way I was feeling. You know, I don't like feeling down. Who does, right? So I had to get cross, angry and miserable with the constant negative thoughts and emotions. I thought about how I was feeling and I said:-

1. Life is life. You will have highs and lows. No big deal.

2. Fear is just simply: False Evidence Appearing Real. Plain LIE. 












3. Why not for once believe the best about myself?

4. Not by might. Nor by power. But by God's Spirit.














I was also reminded that:-

"Behold! I have given you authority and power to trample upon serpents and scorpions, and physical and mental strength and ability over all the power that the enemy possesses; and nothing shall in any way harm you." Luke 10:19.

Well, what can I say, I made it through the rest of the day quite well. :)

Why do you want that?

Over this past weekend, I found myself thinking of doing more with my life. Sometimes, many times actually, I would ponder if I'm doing enough. In some way, as a result of such thoughts, I have accepted more responsibilities such as teaching extra classes. I can remember how terrified I was when I was asked for the first time to teach someone's daughter. I was afraid I wouldn't know what to do and afraid of my free time being taken away. Oh, I thank God for growth!

A comment someone made caused me to have those thoughts again; wondering if I'm doing enough. I often look at other people and think they're doing so well. Sadly, the same thoughts seldom come to me about myself! I have realized this, however, and have tried to fix it. But sometimes as soon as you try to break away from something and grow into something new, setbacks will come chasing after you. The comment made was meant to encourage me, but because I am learning to reprogramme a negative mind where thoughts about myself is concerned, thoughts of how I'm not good enough began to enter my mind. 

As I fought back by thinking and saying positive and uplifting things about myself, the Holy Spirit also spoke this to my heart, "Doing more things is not going to make you happy if you're looking to find fulfillment in them." 

It is good to do things and to challenge yourself. I would have missed out on extra financial blessings if I didn't accept extra work. But if I can't find inner peace and joy that comes from knowing that I AM GOOD ENOUGH, them I'm still going to be miserable. My worth shouldn't be tied up in things. 

Whatever it is that I'm going to do, I need to ask myself why I'm doing it. Doing things can enhance my skills and and so on. But if I never do those things, I must still be able to love me just as I am. 

Why is this happening to me?

When the jailer, startled out of his sleep, saw that the prison doors were open, he drew his sword and was on the point of killing himself, because he supposed that the prisoners had escaped. (Acts 16:27 AMP)

I remember what my Pastor here said about a missionary being sick; they all prayed and prayed but nothing changed. She had to be hospitalized. While they visited her, there was a man who was also admitted to the hospital who saw them and asked them to come and visit him, too. When the woman was released, they still visited the man. He later became saved. A family member of the man was also saved. Another man who was staying in the same room told them, "Don't just pray for him. Pray for me, too." He and another family member also got saved. 

God used a negative situation - sickness - for His glory. He did the same in the case of Paul and Silas. The keeper of the prison got saved; he and his family. 

There are some situations that I really don't like. One of them is when I have 6 classes at elementary school. It can get pretty exhausting. (I intend to from now on however, speak those things that be not as though they were. Therefore, instead of talking about how exhausting it is, I'm going to start saying, "Nothing is too much for me. I run and never get weary. I walk and do not faint."). But I wonder what God would like to do through these uncomfortable situations. 

Paul and Silas prayed and sang praises. They got a breakthrough - literally! And it set the scene for God to work. It's good to remember these scriptures in tough times. Instead of whining and feeling sorry for myself, I need to praise and pray.

Out of Place

The Sports Day for my school will be held this Saturday, September 14. Now Sports Day in Japanese schools is no likkle joke! No sah! The enthusiasm and motivation of the students never cease to amaze me. Today, as it has been for the past few days since the start of the second term, was a busy day for the teachers and students. They had no resting time. It was just from one thing to the other. In my case, yes I watch them while they practice, but I can take a break if I want to. Not so for them.

Sports Day in Japan is quite different from Sports Day in Jamaica. For one thing, I can't recall so much work going into Sports Day preparations back home. Also, selected students are responsible for taking the lead in getting their teams prepared and not the teachers. The teachers act as a guide and well, official overseers. The other big thing is that unlike here where each and every student participates in the cheerleading and Sports Day activities, in Jamaica students usually volunteer to take part in what they want to. As for me, I'd simply find my place in the stands and cheer for my team, or sit and chat with friends.

As exciting as these events can be, and as interesting as it is to be here in Japan, there are moments when I sometimes feel simply out of place. It's that feeling like I don't belong. I mean, yes, I am the foreigner, so I really am not a part of the 'group'. But the feeling sometimes overwhelms me more than it should.

This is what I wrote in my diary that I want to share with you:

"The devil likes to bring these thoughts of how I don't belong. I thought this morning about Jesus. He didn't even belong to this world. How 'out of place' was that! But He pressed on and always spoke about doing the will of His Father. He knew that he had a purpose. He knew rejection, embracement, reviling, encouragement and all sorts of things. He KNEW. So He understands me. He just did the work that was before Him, doing good to 'hebribady' - whether good or bad. Lord please continue to help me to accept what is and simply do what is required of me WITH JOY. Furthermore, there are FAR more PLEASANT and AMAZING things that I have experienced here; and with the hope that I have, am yet to lay hold of."

Sometimes you might find yourself in situations or places that overwhelm you. Like me, you might feel out of place. "All things work together for good to them that love God" (Romans 8:28) is great to remember. Also, try not to focus on the negative of the situation. Think on some of the great things that are going on and that might even have been made possible by the very situation or place you are in. Difficult marriage? You might be able to look at the beautiful kids you have that are as a result of the union.

I've been learning the importance of confessions, and have been trying to actually do them. My confession for the negative feeling was, "I am not out of place. I am where I need to be."

Godliness and Contentment

"But godliness with contentment is great gain." (1 Timothy 6: 6). 

I think that most, if not all people, live their lives with this statement in mind, or subconsciously. The thing is however, that for many, 'godliness' and 'contentment' are defined in different ways. Satan, who is the father of all lies, has tricked many into having false beliefs as to what really is godliness and contentment. With this false sense of the meaning of the words, many have been led astray. 

The world for example, accepts godliness as loving people, acceptance for everyone, doing good and such things. Of course, these are signs of godliness. The only problem is that God has been extracted from the word which stems from His character. As a result, we mistakenly ascribe inappropriate meanings to what it means to love and accept, for example. Or in another sense, we fail to ascribe meaning from God's perspective. God is love for example, but He's also a God of justice. God accepts everyone but He abhors sin. 

If we think about contentment, we are bombarded with images of wealth and riches, a big house, fancy cars, dream career and the like. People are often not content with simply having food and clothes. Now I learnt that contentment doesn't mean that you never desire to have more, but you simply learn to enjoy what is before you now.

I wish with all my heart, or rather I'll strive with God's help towards embracing what God has in mind where contentment is concerned. I just believe that life would be so much simpler if we had God's idea of contentment in our hearts.