Change Your Thoughts: Change Your Life

"You can't speak what you haven't visualized."

Another statement that the Lord placed in my heart. 

When I opened my diary this morning, I saw that on June 13 I wrote that I need help with my words - with making confessions. I wrote that I had learned a lot  through various teachings and individuals about the subject. I asked God to help me do what I'd been learning. 

But I really couldn't say what I wasn't visualizing. I wasn't visualizing myself in positive situations, so the words couldn't really line up. I was speaking what I was visualizing. Or even if I didn't speak it (the negative), I couldn't say the positive because the negative imagery was still there. It's like even if I tried saying the positive thing, and God knows I've tried and have been trying, it just felt like I really wasn't making progress. 

The Lord opened my eyes recently one night before I fell asleep that I couldn't feel happy because I was always thinking about sad things. And so, now I have been working on thinking about happy things. And now since my mind is thinking about nice things, I am finding it easier to say nice things. 

If someone is sick and he can visualize himself as being well, he can begin to speak his healing into being. Even if he doesn't get well, I believe that just thinking about the possibility can give him comfort from the way he's feeling at the moment. The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity (Proverbs 18: 14). 

If you're in a job that's not so wonderful and you can visualize yourself being in a nicer job, you can begin to speak that nicer job into being. And then even if it never happens, you'd have been so busy thinking happy thoughts that you'd forget about your miserable situation. You could even decide to find some happy thoughts about the not so wonderful situation, and begin to give thanks, which will also boost your mood. 

But you've got to flip the script and find/create those happy thoughts. 

Happy thoughts will produce a happy life. And when you're happy, you'll speak and do happy things. And when you speak and do happy things for yourself and others, you'll continue the cycle of a happy life!

Before attempting anything though, please ask God to help you. You can read and listen to every advice there is out there, read what the Bible has to say and still not see any results. You just won't get it. Little by little, I see how God has allowed me to finally get it. And once you've got it, you can begin to do it. I couldn't do it because I hadn't gotten it. I have now and I hope you can too. Go ahead and ask God to help you change your life and change your thoughts. 

**** Note that it's important to understand other factors, such as the use of medications, that can affect you. I was taking a particular product that I think was affecting me negatively. I recently stopped taking the product and I am feeling a difference in my body. So before you beat up on yourself, it's useful to consider if meds you're taking could be interfering with your mood. Just thought I'd put that out there :)

Anxiety: Out!

The truth shall set you free. My truth is I've got a problem with anxiety and I need a way out.

A few weeks ago, it dawned on me that I have been feeling sick for every single morning that I have to go out to work. I am fine on other days. I've been just going with it but one morning in particular, it just struck me, "Hey, what is going on here?" My mind has since gone on a spree to figure out the answer to the question.

I began wondering about my job. Is it time for a change? For a long time, I've been saying that I need a break. And well, one came when hubby and I had to go to the Philippines a few weeks ago. I felt better after we came back but I still felt like something was missing.

I was teaching a class one day and it came to me that I have some how lost the desire and love that I had in the beginning. I smiled to myself and realized how true it was. But the more I thought about the anxiety, the more I realized that I am anxious about pretty much anything. Sad! I realized that I am not confident about pretty much anything. Sad!

A swarm of thoughts about the possible reasons behind my anxious feelings have surely swept over me. I have nailed it down to these: my confidence, stresses of my job and my future in Japan. You know, it helps to be honest with yourself and to just let things out. It's like one morning this week as I was getting dressed for work, I remembered something that happened to me. I was at an elementary school and a student came to get me for class. It was my first time to go to that class. The child began blurting out, "Kowai. Kowai". That means scary. I realized how things like that have formed possible walls in my heart and I don't realize it. I wasn't angry at the child. I was angry at the adults. It took place in the presence of the teachers and not one of them said anything!! Now this happened maybe two or three years ago, but all of a sudden I remembered it. I've also realized that my schedule sometimes causes me distress. One ALT having to go to three schools. One ALT to service hundreds of students. I think the teachers making the schedule don't even get it. Then they want you to smile away every single moment of the day. Anyhoo….

I have been trying to look at the good points of my job, though. Hubby reminded me one night this week how I wasn't even going to apply for this current position. The deadline had passed. The Board of Education had however, extended the deadline. God gave me this job. You know, I have a job that pays me good money. It is 'good' money in the sense that, I can pay my bills, do things for my self, help my family and save. Oh, I can also travel! Lest I forget our recent trip to the Philippines! And although it does get tiring, sometimes all that is required is to stand in the class and smile. And then there are times when 'real' work is required like on elementary school days when everything is left up to you.

So! At the moment, I am trying to be careful about what decisions I make because of how I'm feeling. When you're in the middle of a 'crisis', you might do something that you regret. What's worse is moving away from the purpose that God has for you. Remembering His promises to you is gonna be crucial.

Living this way is definitely not God's will for me. Getting rid of whatever fears and worries that are hiding in my innermost thoughts and subconscious mind is kinda what I'm working on.

Anxiety: Out!


Some pics from Manila below :)

                              Mode of transportation called a Jeepney. Thought they were pretty cool!

                                                                   hahahaha

At the Greenbelt Mall in Makati City. One day!

                                                      In the lobby about to say goodbye to Manila

On a Positive Note

Give thanks and praise to Jehovah. He's good, all the time. All the time, He's good.

Yesterday was the Prefectural Level English Speech Contest. Two of the three students who performed from my school were placed in the top 5. Reiko (name changed) was one of them. For the past two years she tried without success at the local level. In fact, she had her first try at such a competition when she was a grade 6 elementary school student. Finally, now in her third year of junior high school she got the 1st prize at the local level and now 2nd place at the Prefectural Level. I feel blessed to be a part of this moment.

Last night before I fell asleep, I thought about how I've always thought negatively about myself, and so the time has come for me to develop and cultivate good thoughts about myself. My new favorites:

• I am loved by others
• I love myself
• I am a woman of good understanding, a beautiful countenance.

The next thing is I feel so free. "Perfect love casteth out all fear" has really opened my eyes. I don't feel so afraid of moving forward with things or when thinking about what to do in the future. I am not so afraid of making mistakes or living up to expectations. I am not so afraid of not knowing what to do.

This morning at school, I was reading a few verses from Nehemiah 9. Some favorite verses and why I like them:

....... and thou preservest them all (v. 6)  

• This tells me that God preserves me

....... thou knewest that they dealt proudly against them (v. 10)        

• God knows when people ill treat me.

....... thou art a God slow to anger, ready to pardon, gracious and merciful (v. 17)

• This pretty much explains itself!

This next verse really grabbed my attention and spoke to me on a deep level:

...... thou subduest them and gave them in their hands, that they might do with them as they would (v. 24)

• This is telling me that victory is mine for the taking. I am free to make use of whatever opportunities are before me. In other words, the ball is in my court!

When You Pray & God Doesn't Answer

Hey, guys. How unnu do? Hope everyone is good.

Last Friday, I wrote this in my diary, "How to look past what is a minor or not-so-minor thing and be joyful? - Give thanks for what is." I was feeling disappointed because well, I didn't sleep well the night before despite going to bed early. Hubby had suggested earlier in the week that I go to sleep early and get some rest. I guess he could see that I was tired. So I was in bed by 7 pm. But I just didn't sleep well. Not getting a good night's rest really throws me off. I really hate when that happens. So I wrote that to encourage myself.

Well, over the weekend, I really had to put it into practice (again). In this post, I mentioned that I have just completed University studies. There was still one course for which the grade was not posted, however. On Saturday morning I got the grade I was awaiting. Unfortunately it was not the grade I was anticipating.

I was disappointed and glad. Disappointed that what I hoped and prayed and believed for was not realized. But glad that I passed my course and therefore successfully completed my degree. The disappointment however, and even a bit of anger and frustration, fought to overtake and subdue the gladness. Instead of celebrating what was, I struggled a little with what was not. I did pass but not with the desired grade.

Out of habit (the 'old' me), my thoughts went like this: "What's the point of hoping for anything?" "This always happens to me." "Maybe I'm just not good enough." Thank God however, those thoughts did not overwhelm me. Thank God they eventually went away.

How did they stop? I forced myself to give God thanks for what was. (When you are feeling down, you generally don't feel much like giving thanks). I fought to look at the bright side of the situation. The greatest anesthesia however, was this reminder:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not to thine own understanding. (Proverbs 3: 5).

Trusting God means that there will be unanswered questions, things you don't understand and things that seem unfair. There will be times when you don't get what you prayed so earnestly about. How many times has someone lost a loved one even though they prayed so hard for God not to take them? How many times have people lost their homes although they prayed so hard for God to not let the bank take it away? The instances of those and other things happening are countless. And if you ask me, these people have every right to feel angry, let down and disappointed and to ask God why.

In these instances when we pray and God doesn't answer, however, we have to remember that we cannot depend on our own logic. We can't depend on how our human minds explain things. Our understanding of the situation, of what we can see with our eyes will never really comfort us. It just won't make sense. I mean, why should I not get the grade that I worked so hard and prayed so hard for? It makes no sense and it's just not fair!

But God is saying, "Trust Me with all your heart. It doesn't make sense or seem fair. But please trust me." Difficult? Absolutely yes! Impossible? No. If we can trust Him in those times when He doesn't give us what we hoped for, we'll be all the better for it and will be comforted.

In other news, I bought the reader. It was delivered on Saturday. Another something that helped me take my mind off the situation above (LOL). I bought the Kindle Paperwhite 3G (2012 model). It fell right within the price range I had. It's on sale! I hope to get some bilingual (Japanese/English) books to help me with my Japanese study. Here are some pics:

Unopened box

 Opened box

 The goods

 The case

 The Kindle!

Ooh...

                                                               USB charger

 Kindle package

 Kindle on!

Me!

Why do you want that?

Over this past weekend, I found myself thinking of doing more with my life. Sometimes, many times actually, I would ponder if I'm doing enough. In some way, as a result of such thoughts, I have accepted more responsibilities such as teaching extra classes. I can remember how terrified I was when I was asked for the first time to teach someone's daughter. I was afraid I wouldn't know what to do and afraid of my free time being taken away. Oh, I thank God for growth!

A comment someone made caused me to have those thoughts again; wondering if I'm doing enough. I often look at other people and think they're doing so well. Sadly, the same thoughts seldom come to me about myself! I have realized this, however, and have tried to fix it. But sometimes as soon as you try to break away from something and grow into something new, setbacks will come chasing after you. The comment made was meant to encourage me, but because I am learning to reprogramme a negative mind where thoughts about myself is concerned, thoughts of how I'm not good enough began to enter my mind. 

As I fought back by thinking and saying positive and uplifting things about myself, the Holy Spirit also spoke this to my heart, "Doing more things is not going to make you happy if you're looking to find fulfillment in them." 

It is good to do things and to challenge yourself. I would have missed out on extra financial blessings if I didn't accept extra work. But if I can't find inner peace and joy that comes from knowing that I AM GOOD ENOUGH, them I'm still going to be miserable. My worth shouldn't be tied up in things. 

Whatever it is that I'm going to do, I need to ask myself why I'm doing it. Doing things can enhance my skills and and so on. But if I never do those things, I must still be able to love me just as I am.