Knowing God's Pace for Your Life

Ever feel like you have no clue about what you want to do with your life or where your life is going? I sure do. Not all the time but most of the time. 

I decided to write down some things that I believe will come to pass in my life. They have been in my heart since forever. I wrote them down as reminders because I tend to forget that I have these dreams. I often say I don't know what my dreams are but they are there. Even though I often feel like they are far fetched, I have no idea how such things will come to pass or whether or not I just made them up in my mind, i.e. they are plain rubbish, I can still believe. I can still trust God's plans. I can still trust that God will lead me into my field like He led Ruth into hers (Ruth 2:3). 

I especially must be mindful not to envy others who seem to have arrived and have their lives all figured out. I must understand that God knows my level of maturity and perhaps I wouldn't keep up if I were given everything right away. 

I feel peaceful with the thought that I can trust God's pace for my life. Knowing His pace for my life will help me not to feel like I'm lagging behind or even think that I'm not going somewhere. Yay! What a marvelous revelation! I am ok and on my way!

So my prayer is that God would help me to sit and relax and not be like Martha - perplexed and anxious about many things (Luke 10:41). 

Before you go, please watch this video. It's really cool and funny! 

Did you laugh, too? No matter how many times I watch it, I always do! Why not try it at school or your workplace?

また、私のブログを見てくださいね。ありがとう！(Please visit my blog again. Thanks!)

Enjoying the Seasons in Your Life

Before I write about the meat of today's post, I want to rant a little.

My morning's devotional was about enjoying your spouse. I thought to myself that such thoughts do not always form a part of my regular thinking because of thoughts of work. The demands from work are too demanding! Get up in the morning, work on my mind. Go to work and get to work with work on my mind. At work doing the work with work on my mind. Reach home, have dinner, spend whatever time with hubby, go to bed with work on my mind. No sah! That's crazy and not funny. 

Why should life be this way? These are things I don't like. There's a typhoon. What do people do? Go out to work anyways. Dem sinting deh just nuh normal. Why not first of all for the sake of safety stay home? One day away from work to rest, take care of your body, enjoy your family and eat your food without a hurry is going to kill you? Not to mention there might be limitations on what you could do for the day at work in any case? Why this belief that "I must work cost it what it may"? Sigh, sigh and sigh. 

How about you, guys? If you could count the times you thought about what you could do to bless your spouse and enjoy their presence, do those moments surpass the many other things you have on your mind? These are the important things in life, the things of value but sadly they're more often than not at the bottom of our to-do lists. 

So, now that that's off my chest (LOL) let's talk about enjoying the seasons in your life. 

Hubby and I have been blessed with a really inexpensive place to live. I mean really and truly. When I share with others how much we pay they are usually surprised. I paid our rent to our landlady yesterday. As I walked away from her house, I thought about how we're really going to miss it if/when we should have to move. We've been able to save a lot, you know. I started teaching a student last year about this time, too. But now he'll be moving on. There were evenings I'd be coming home tired and would rather not have a class. But it's good that I made the most of it because now it's over. 

The house is comfortable except for the little things like feeling extra cold in the winter and the occasional creepy-crawlies that appear in the summer. (My Facebook family, y'all remember me bawling about an 'hebalasting' [everlasting] spider that was in the house and how I was hoping it wouldn't move until  hubby got home? LOL!!). 

God help me to give thanks for the time we have in it and enjoy the blessings that come from living there. 

Bless unnu!

On a Positive Note

Give thanks and praise to Jehovah. He's good, all the time. All the time, He's good.

Yesterday was the Prefectural Level English Speech Contest. Two of the three students who performed from my school were placed in the top 5. Reiko (name changed) was one of them. For the past two years she tried without success at the local level. In fact, she had her first try at such a competition when she was a grade 6 elementary school student. Finally, now in her third year of junior high school she got the 1st prize at the local level and now 2nd place at the Prefectural Level. I feel blessed to be a part of this moment.

Last night before I fell asleep, I thought about how I've always thought negatively about myself, and so the time has come for me to develop and cultivate good thoughts about myself. My new favorites:

• I am loved by others
• I love myself
• I am a woman of good understanding, a beautiful countenance.

The next thing is I feel so free. "Perfect love casteth out all fear" has really opened my eyes. I don't feel so afraid of moving forward with things or when thinking about what to do in the future. I am not so afraid of making mistakes or living up to expectations. I am not so afraid of not knowing what to do.

This morning at school, I was reading a few verses from Nehemiah 9. Some favorite verses and why I like them:

....... and thou preservest them all (v. 6)  

• This tells me that God preserves me

....... thou knewest that they dealt proudly against them (v. 10)        

• God knows when people ill treat me.

....... thou art a God slow to anger, ready to pardon, gracious and merciful (v. 17)

• This pretty much explains itself!

This next verse really grabbed my attention and spoke to me on a deep level:

...... thou subduest them and gave them in their hands, that they might do with them as they would (v. 24)

• This is telling me that victory is mine for the taking. I am free to make use of whatever opportunities are before me. In other words, the ball is in my court!

When You Pray & God Doesn't Answer

Hey, guys. How unnu do? Hope everyone is good.

Last Friday, I wrote this in my diary, "How to look past what is a minor or not-so-minor thing and be joyful? - Give thanks for what is." I was feeling disappointed because well, I didn't sleep well the night before despite going to bed early. Hubby had suggested earlier in the week that I go to sleep early and get some rest. I guess he could see that I was tired. So I was in bed by 7 pm. But I just didn't sleep well. Not getting a good night's rest really throws me off. I really hate when that happens. So I wrote that to encourage myself.

Well, over the weekend, I really had to put it into practice (again). In this post, I mentioned that I have just completed University studies. There was still one course for which the grade was not posted, however. On Saturday morning I got the grade I was awaiting. Unfortunately it was not the grade I was anticipating.

I was disappointed and glad. Disappointed that what I hoped and prayed and believed for was not realized. But glad that I passed my course and therefore successfully completed my degree. The disappointment however, and even a bit of anger and frustration, fought to overtake and subdue the gladness. Instead of celebrating what was, I struggled a little with what was not. I did pass but not with the desired grade.

Out of habit (the 'old' me), my thoughts went like this: "What's the point of hoping for anything?" "This always happens to me." "Maybe I'm just not good enough." Thank God however, those thoughts did not overwhelm me. Thank God they eventually went away.

How did they stop? I forced myself to give God thanks for what was. (When you are feeling down, you generally don't feel much like giving thanks). I fought to look at the bright side of the situation. The greatest anesthesia however, was this reminder:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not to thine own understanding. (Proverbs 3: 5).

Trusting God means that there will be unanswered questions, things you don't understand and things that seem unfair. There will be times when you don't get what you prayed so earnestly about. How many times has someone lost a loved one even though they prayed so hard for God not to take them? How many times have people lost their homes although they prayed so hard for God to not let the bank take it away? The instances of those and other things happening are countless. And if you ask me, these people have every right to feel angry, let down and disappointed and to ask God why.

In these instances when we pray and God doesn't answer, however, we have to remember that we cannot depend on our own logic. We can't depend on how our human minds explain things. Our understanding of the situation, of what we can see with our eyes will never really comfort us. It just won't make sense. I mean, why should I not get the grade that I worked so hard and prayed so hard for? It makes no sense and it's just not fair!

But God is saying, "Trust Me with all your heart. It doesn't make sense or seem fair. But please trust me." Difficult? Absolutely yes! Impossible? No. If we can trust Him in those times when He doesn't give us what we hoped for, we'll be all the better for it and will be comforted.

In other news, I bought the reader. It was delivered on Saturday. Another something that helped me take my mind off the situation above (LOL). I bought the Kindle Paperwhite 3G (2012 model). It fell right within the price range I had. It's on sale! I hope to get some bilingual (Japanese/English) books to help me with my Japanese study. Here are some pics:

Unopened box

 Opened box

 The goods

 The case

 The Kindle!

Ooh...

                                                               USB charger

 Kindle package

 Kindle on!

Me!

Perfect Love

All the years that the cankerworm has stolen is being returned to me (Joel 2: 25). I believe that I made a critical discovery about me. I can see how the enemy has used the very way that God made me against me. Thank You Lord for this discovery.

One of the things I read about the melancholic is that he tends to be passive. I must fight to not just allow negative thoughts and emotions to weary me down. I have a choice; I can choose the types of things to think about. I already have the power over all the power of the enemy. I already have a sound mind. I am already more than a conquerer. 

Now let me say that I am not saying that passivity is from God. That's one of the weak points of the melancholic personality. But let's say that I'm not necessarily the aggressive type. There's nothing wrong with that. But then sometimes things happen, like someone being unkind to me. But because I'm not the type to fight back, it would seem like the enemy orchestrates many of these moments where I end up feeling defeated. In other words, my 'soft' personality has often been used against me. It would have been helpful for me to have learned to stand up for myself and not just play the role of a victim. I say learn because I wasn't born with a 'tell-it-to-your-face', 'don't-you-dare-treat-me-like-that' personality. Hope you're getting what I'm saying. LOL

Anyhoo, these days I've been meditating on this: 

There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and [so] he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love [is not yet grown into love's complete perfection]. (1 John 4:18 AMP). 

I'm beginning to have a greater understanding of what this scripture means. I'm learning to apply it to me. It kinda fits in with what I'm discovering about me. A part of this 'soft' me is sometimes afraid to express herself. Sometimes the words won't come out, or don't come out right. It's a part of what I was trying to explain earlier. If I have been mistreated, I am afraid of telling you that you did. But even where no mistreatment took place, if I need to make a request, I don't know how to. Plain simply, I'm afraid to ask. I am now seeing that I even have this same fear if I need to talk to God about things or ask Him for things. "Fear brings with it the thought of punishment" were the words that sprang out at me the most. And this is because I wonder if God will be mad at me for saying this or doing that. 

I can see how I have been changing even prior to my rediscovery of this scripture and my gaining more understanding about it. I can see how I had been operating out of fear. I can only look forward to the best that's yet to come as I begin to operate in its principles. 

Unnu tek care!

Brag and Boast

When I used to write in my diary, I wrote whatever was on my mind without thinking twice. Now that I know that I'll be sharing these thoughts, it makes me think about what I'm writing. LOL. I wonder, do I really want to share this? What will people think of me? LOL. I am NOT the kind of person who does this type of thing. I am an extremely private person. If I have a problem, you'd probably never know. I keep it all locked up inside. Yup, that's just my personality.

Speaking of personality, I was thinking today that maybe my outlook on things has something to do with my personality. I remembered reading a book by Joyce Meyer entitled, 'Making Marriage Work', where she mentioned about personality types. I remembered something about the melancholic person. Hmmmm. I wonder. I realize that I tend to look at the glass as being half empty rather than half full. I realize that I am not necessarily the vibrant type. I realize that most of the time, it's as if I'm unhappy. But perhaps, it's not really unhappy, but just melancholy. LOL. But because I'm not jumping up and down all the time, I think that I'm being unhappy. Am I making sense to you?

In my previous post about, To Buy or Not to Buy, I was unsure of whether or not I wanted to buy the tablet/reader. I summed it up today that I realize that I really don't want to buy it because I am afraid that I'm still going to be that 'unhappy' person. In other words, I don't want to feel bad about having nice things but still feel like I'm unhappy. I don't want to get excited about it and then soon after go back to being so-so. LOL. It happens all the time. But then as I said, I'm wondering if it's really a case of being unhappy, or if it's just my personality. Now, if it really just who I am - quiet, reserved and not the overly 元気 (pronounced genki and refers to being cheerful) person -  then I really should just stop worrying and just work with it.

When I say work with it, I mean to not feel bad about myself. However, although I'll work with it, I can still work at becoming better at looking at the brighter side of things. Interestingly enough, as I wrote this diary entry today, I got up from my desk to do something, and saw, 'Always look at the brighter side of things' written on a towel on a teacher's desk! And so, in this blog post, I'm going to brag and boast a little. I am going to talk about some recent blessings.

I got a new credit card the other day. The one I had before was a Visa debit card from Ebank (now Rakuten). Oh what a blessing it was. Unfortunately, although it expires next year, the Visa function was discontinued. I had been trying to purchase something and although there was money on the card, I couldn't make the purchase. I couldn't figure out why until I happened to stumble on the explanation on Rakuten's website, saying that the Visa function had been discontinued. Thank God for Google Translate!

Now before I even knew that this was the case, one day I was out with a Japanese friend/student. She was doing some shopping in Apita. As I stood waiting for her, my eyes laid hold on a sign about the point card that the store offers. I have shopped at Apita many times before and I've always wondered about that card. So since I had some Japanese help, I asked her if she could help me sign up for one.

When we went to the customer service desk, I realized that what was being offered was a credit card that could also be used as a point card. I thought to myself, "Credit card? Ah, boy. Wonder if this will work." Other foreigners in Japan will probably understand my skepticism. It is said that it's pretty difficult to get a card here. Anyways, we proceeded with the application.

Fast forward to a couple of days later, I got a piece of mail from them. I didn't want to open the envelope because I feared bad news. (If all had been well, the card would not have been delivered in my mailbox; I would have had to sign for it). But, they were asking me to send them a copy of my alien registration card (Yes, foreigners are called aliens here. LOL). I sent them the information. Fast forward again to some days later, I got a call about the application. The lady wanted to verify the information I had provided, and I think in some way, to also check my Japanese ability because she even asked if I had filled out the form myself. I told her that a friend helped and she asked if I wrote my own name. Thankfully, I had done so! She even called my workplace and spoke with me on their phone line. I was going to get the card! Yay!

One day this week, I was giving God thanks for the new card when I thought about the cancellation of the Visa function of the other card. I recently concluded studies via the University of the West Indies' Summer and Online Masters Programme, where I pursued a Masters Degree in Educational Administration. (If Jamaican teachers here are interested in their online programmes, please see here. Tell them I recommended you :) ). Now in order to pay for my courses, I had to use a credit card. The long and short of the matter is that the cancellation was done after I finished my studying. I was therefore able to use the card when I needed it the most.

So, there you have it! かんしゃします！（Give thanks!)