What's Your Dream?

I think I haven't given myself the freedom to dream and desire something wonderful for my life. Stuck in a place of fear. I tend to suppress things I desire, instead of keeping them in my heart even as I try to enjoy the life I have now.

Let's say I have always wanted to go to Paris. I shouldn't have to shut the dream and desire away even if I think I can't afford it. I should be able to say, "one day", even if I know not when or if ever it will come to pass.

And so I feel like my life is dull and boring (and when I think about it, really is) because I don't dream. How can I stop suppressing my desires.

The fear of angering or disappointing God; of not being in His will. These are some factors that play into how I feel. I should be able to say (boldly), Lord this is what I would like. It's up to Him to say yes or no. But I should be bold enough to ask. But desire, desire, desire and expressing those desires is something I don't do.

I don't dream. Lord help me get unstuck.


Update:- I've been thinking that I shouldn't really say my life is boring. I have a lot of good things going on. I have a lot to be grateful for. I just think I've stopped expecting good things to come into my life. God wants to be good to us all you know. But He does expect us to be expecting it. So with that said, I don't have a boring life, I just need to become bolder in the desires and expectations I have for my life, of what God can do through me and for me ;)

Leave It Alone!

"Now therefore hearken unto their voice; howbeit yet protest solemnly unto them, and show them the manner of the king that shall reign over them". 1 Samuel 8:9

I was reminded this week of the Israelites who had cried for a king, even though God was their King, and what that brought upon them. What is interesting is the fact that they were forewarned what would be the result of their decision; but they didn't care. 

How can I avoid such things in my own life? How can I avoid making some silly mistake and spending the rest of my life regretting what I did?

I suppose the comfort lies in the fact that God still helped them and was with them. Even if we make some dumb decisions, God is faithful enough to help us through them. I'd prefer, however, to not end up in that boat. I want to walk in such divine guidance that I never find myself in such a situation. 

How can that be achieved? Well, I believe that just like they were forewarned, God also lets us know what the end result of a certain decision might look like. As a matter of fact, I know that He does because I've experienced it. There have been times when I was contemplating a particular course of action and was able to gain discernment by seeing it in action in someone else's life. I was able to see that, hey this is a possible consequence from taking that course of action. 

There are other times when I just had a 'feeling'. I would have a prompting that if I should do so and so, it might result in so and so. It is better to be safe than sorry, and if the thing you'll lose will be greater than the thing you'll gain, I think you should leave it alone! 

There are times though when risk-taking is necessary, where you have to take a blind step of faith. But if you find that you're not having any peace about what you're doing or about what you want to do, that's wisdom speaking so you'd better leave it alone. 

It's OK To Not Be Sure

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not to thine own understanding. In all thine ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. Proverbs 3: 5-6

It's OK to not know what to do! When I don't, my Daddy knows. He's not short of ideas and ways to lead me in the path of my success. It's OK to not know what to do!

Sometimes you have an idea of what you'd like or your desired place, but you're unsure of the details. Maybe you've done some research and have become confused. But it's OK! God is behind the scenes working, fitting everything together.

Every step you make - sure or unsure - is somehow leading you to where you ought to be! A step may sometimes seem ridiculous and downright impossible but you never know! I'm sure you can think of some decision you made, of something you did that didn't make any sense to you, but it worked out anyway! 

It's not always necessary to be sure, I say. God is the only 'sure' that we need. He will lead us to the place that we need to be. 

Just Keep Moving

I think the most important things in life is to just keep moving. Even if you have to go slow. Even if everything doesn't get done like you hoped. It only matters to just keep moving.

If you're a single mom with kids, you might not be able to get all the plates washed up. But perhaps you were able to get the laundry all done and ensure that the kids were fed. Don't lament or beat yourself up about what you didn't get done. You got some things done. So you did make progress. Just keep moving.

Before you know it one week has gone by and another one has begun. It means you made it through the week gone by. You'll make it through this one, too. So just keep moving.

Picture taken from http://www.foxnews.com/us

You might be like this 91 year old, just being able to get your high school diploma. But he got it done. See, you must just keep moving.

If you keep on moving - no matter how small the steps or slow your pace - you'll get 'there', wherever 'there' is. It might be to see your kids all grown up, on their own and taking care of themselves. I think of my mother, she'll be retiring from the teaching profession soon. She has the privilege of seeing her four girls all grown up. She had kept on moving.

Don't try to be like anyone else. Only you know how much you can manage. Just do the best you can. Yes, just keep moving.

Lord Help Me Believe!

Caleb's faith was so amazing. He was full of faith when he and the other men went to spy out the promised land. He returned with a positive report. "Let us go up at once and possess it", he said. "For we are well able to overcome it" (Numbers 13: 30). Because he believed God, he was allowed to enter the promised land.

Image from minsmash.com

Now in Joshua 14, he went to Joshua to ask for the land that was promised him. He spoke so confidently as well, saying how he is as strong now as he was then (at the time he had gone to spy out the land). He's now 85 and he was 40 years old then.

But what is more is the fact that his faith was unchanged. Even though the land he was claiming wasn't free from troubles, he said he still believed that he could conquer it because the Lord was with him. "Now therefore give me this mountain, whereof the Lord spake in that day; for thou heardest in that day how the Anakims were there, and that the cities were great and fenced. If so be the Lord will be with me, then I shall be able to drive them out, as the Lord said" (Joshua 14: 12).

When the Lord says it, it shall be so. But it can only be so if you're willing to believe it.

Lord help me believe!

Sadly, I haven't been believing for much; and I realized this recently. There's a level of vulnerability that comes with believing. What if I believe and I don't get what I want? What if I have to wait for long?

I've asked God to help me not let fear keep me from believing. And I encouraged myself by saying, "Don't bury your dreams because you're too scared to believe them, that they'll come to pass. Bring them back to the forefront of your mind".

Do you have some dreams that you've buried? If you've buried your dreams, it's time to dig 'em up!

Acceptance

I must accept and love myself as I am. I must accept my life the way it is. I must stop fighting and trying to figure out things or even to change stuff, and just accept things.

I am miserable and not living in peace and that is not right. And it happens with me trying to figure out and change things. Me trying to figure out why I feel so sick in the mornings. Me trying to figure out what to do. Me trying to figure out whether I should stay or go.

There are things that are out of our control, and that can be frustrating. But what if I can just go with the flow and work on what I can? Sometimes I feel so sick when I stand before the class. I still have to smile and pretend like everything is OK. But what if I don't pretend? What if I can just accept that I am not well and be true to what I'm feeling?

Perhaps it is due to the fact that in this job you're always expected to show a happy face. You're always expected to smile. And then you can't even really say what you feel. Your language ability can only cover the basics. How would I say, "you know I'm not feeling well, I feel dizzy, I feel weak."

I only felt encouraged one day after finishing my classes despite how I was feeling, when I thought to myself that, "you know, I've always had a problem with anxiety. I get sweaty hands if I'm doing some sort of business transaction or sometimes even during a class. So maybe this is just me. Thankfully, I've still been able to get things done. I still do well."

You know how the Bible says, His strength is made perfect in our weakness? Well, the more I think about what I've been able to accomplish and how far I've come despite some stuff, is the more I'm able to appreciate God's presence and power in my life. I just see how He's been helping me and encouraging me and blessing me. He's held my hand through it all. Thank You, Daddy.

So, yep this is me. I am a shy girl who is usually hidden behind the scenes, who usually prefers to be by herself. I don't usually make friends that easily nor do I have a large number of followers. I get anxious when I go out to work. But it's OK. I'm the beloved daughter of Jesus Christ.

I know that there are people everywhere who have to put on a brave, happy face even when they are secretly hurting and feeling pain. God sees you. You might not be able to change your situation. It might help to accept what is, acknowledge and be thankful of how far you've come despite the difficulties, and hope for better days. I do hope to not have anxious mornings, and sometimes I don't! But in the meantime, I want to stop beating up on myself and just embrace whatever comes while giving thanks.

Acceptance makes me less afraid of trying something new. I know that I can still move forward even if my anxious feelings are still there.

My God Sees Ahead

The Lord always makes a way available beforehand. 

In Luke 22, the Passover was to be held. The disciples were wondering where they would have it. Jesus told them that when they went into the city they'd see a certain man. They were to ask the man about a room for the Passover. Jesus said the man would show them a large, furnished room. When they went, it was as Jesus had said. 

God knows that we will have various needs and He has already made the way available. When it's the appointed time, you'll be led right to it. It's either already prepared or it's being prepared. 

Imagine if the disciples had asked Him and He had said, "I have no idea. What shall we do?" Or, "We'll have to look into that". He didn't even say, "Ah, let me think". No. He just had an immediate answer. 

And so the song says, "What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer." He knows the thing that we need, and exactly where we need to go to find it.