Acceptance

I must accept and love myself as I am. I must accept my life the way it is. I must stop fighting and trying to figure out things or even to change stuff, and just accept things.

I am miserable and not living in peace and that is not right. And it happens with me trying to figure out and change things. Me trying to figure out why I feel so sick in the mornings. Me trying to figure out what to do. Me trying to figure out whether I should stay or go.

There are things that are out of our control, and that can be frustrating. But what if I can just go with the flow and work on what I can? Sometimes I feel so sick when I stand before the class. I still have to smile and pretend like everything is OK. But what if I don't pretend? What if I can just accept that I am not well and be true to what I'm feeling?

Perhaps it is due to the fact that in this job you're always expected to show a happy face. You're always expected to smile. And then you can't even really say what you feel. Your language ability can only cover the basics. How would I say, "you know I'm not feeling well, I feel dizzy, I feel weak."

I only felt encouraged one day after finishing my classes despite how I was feeling, when I thought to myself that, "you know, I've always had a problem with anxiety. I get sweaty hands if I'm doing some sort of business transaction or sometimes even during a class. So maybe this is just me. Thankfully, I've still been able to get things done. I still do well."

You know how the Bible says, His strength is made perfect in our weakness? Well, the more I think about what I've been able to accomplish and how far I've come despite some stuff, is the more I'm able to appreciate God's presence and power in my life. I just see how He's been helping me and encouraging me and blessing me. He's held my hand through it all. Thank You, Daddy.

So, yep this is me. I am a shy girl who is usually hidden behind the scenes, who usually prefers to be by herself. I don't usually make friends that easily nor do I have a large number of followers. I get anxious when I go out to work. But it's OK. I'm the beloved daughter of Jesus Christ.

I know that there are people everywhere who have to put on a brave, happy face even when they are secretly hurting and feeling pain. God sees you. You might not be able to change your situation. It might help to accept what is, acknowledge and be thankful of how far you've come despite the difficulties, and hope for better days. I do hope to not have anxious mornings, and sometimes I don't! But in the meantime, I want to stop beating up on myself and just embrace whatever comes while giving thanks.

Acceptance makes me less afraid of trying something new. I know that I can still move forward even if my anxious feelings are still there.